Well, I've done it. I'm out of the Rigault household completely. I thought I had until the 24th, but Catherine came to me and said, on Monday, that I had til Wednesday because they're just going to stay in France. This is good on one hand because I was really done with those kids. But, it's also a bit said and gives me a little pang in my chest thinking that it's over and my life is once again changing pretty dramatically.
Yesterday, after pilfering as much food, toilet paper and small appliances as I could, I walked around the house and wrote the kids a couple of notes. It was really nice to hear from Catherine that she thinks Alexis, especially, will really miss me. She said the other day he said to her, "Mom, why do you give Darby the afternoons off? I want to play and you never play with me. She always plays with me." But, at the same time, I think he thinks of me like the kid in "Toy" thinks of Richard Pryor in the beginning. We did have a lot of fun though. The other day we played two on one against Iñaki and we wore uniforms and had a team name and everything. We won, needless to say. Alexis even gave me a little guidance with his eyes sometimes, looking at the place he wanted me to cut to. It was great. I'll miss him.
Louise on the other hand, I will miss some of the moments we had together, but she's 12 folks. She manipulates every chance she gets, doesn't want to do anything but be on the internet or watch movies, which she's not allowed during the week, so it's a constant battle. But, we did have some great shopping trips together. She just needs to be with her friends more and have a bit more freedom. I think she'll really grow a lot in London this year.
Catherine was amazing this year. She really is a wonder woman. She does her job at the store and never comes home in a bad mood. She's always ready with hugs and kisses for the kids and just makes the whole house feel like it functions. She helped me with so much and gave me free time when I needed it and was fabulous. A one of a kind person that you don't meet often in life and I'm glad to know her.
I will not miss all the French cheese, the chocolate drawer, the ice cream stuffed freezer or everything being cooked in oil.
I'm really excited about the new apartment. The furniture is so cool and I'll post pictures as soon as we're all moved in. My camera struggles to keep enough battery power, otherwise I'd have pics for you today. We've got 3 bedrooms, 2 bath, fully furnished and awesome kitchen and a terrace on the back big enough for a table and 6 chairs I'd say. We're on the 4th floor. We're 2 blocks away from the club where I play basketball and Iñaki coaches and it's great. Iñaki just got a job assistant coaching with another team that's semi-pro here in Pamplona and they have 2 Americans coming. They fly in this Saturday and Iñaki is supposed to act as a translator. I can't wait to meet them! One is from New Orleans and the other I'm not sure, but he went to Lafayette.
As far as me, mentally goes, I feel unsure, but pretty good. I can't believe the changes and adventures and ups and downs this year has brought me. I've been homesick, I've met lots of new people, I've grieved, I've learned a new language and continue to, I've played hoops, I've been to San Fermin, I learned how to drive a stick shift, I've learned some Spanish cuisine and I travelled a ton. The ups were really up and the downs were super down, but all in all, I'm happy here. I don't know if I could have said that my last year in Portland. And through all of this, I don't really feel like my insides, like the person I was and am has changed. In reality, I don't think I've changed much on the inside my whole life. My basic Darby essence has stayed intact since birth. But, I really thought this experience would change who I am and I don't think it did much. I realized what I'm capable of and that if I can move half way across the world alone, than I can do lots more. But my favorite places and people are still in Oregon. I like the fact that I still feel like me though. I guess it just means I like who I am and I think that's a good thing. Maybe I like myself too much sometimes, but don't we all?
Now, for the unknown... in one of my last conversations with Dave, I said to him, "I don't know what I'm going to do next, but I feel free." He told me he knew that's why I needed to be in Spain and following my heart. He said that was always one of my big issues back in Portland, I felt stuck, but not with any direction to go in, so I stayed stuck and it weighed on me. He said that statement, that I felt free, gave him a lot of peace of mind and it made me feel wonderful that he recognized that and pointed it out to me so I could realize the amount of good this trip to Spain has actually done me.
So, I'm trying to continue to feel free, but it's hard when I don't have a job or know for sure what will be in the months to come. I know that if this was the case last year, I'd be home right now. It wouldn't even be a question. It might just be stupid of me to try, but I'm gonna give it a shot and see if I can make it. If not, the worst thing that happens is I go home and get a job and plan my next move.
Here we go again, Darb's big adventure, part two! Hopefully I'll see you all at Christmas, and not before. We get tons of time off here for Christmas, so it should be a good long stay at home. And, just so you know, I have no Christmas list this year, just pool together and get me a flight home!
Love you!
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